April 16
Calendar
Monday swerves in from the other lane
and plows into our back end like a lance-
wielding knight. "What the fuck's your deal?"
we shout, slamming our door, "Is this a race?"
We can see Monday in there, laughing. "How dare
you!" Positively furious now, we near
the vehicle. Monday rolls down one clean
window, calls out something in an arcane
tongue (like Spanish) and hits the gas. We crane
our necks, but we can't seem to get a clear
look at the plates; plus, do we really care?
Monday swerves in from the other lane
and plows into our back end like a lance-
wielding knight. "What the fuck's your deal?"
we shout, slamming our door, "Is this a race?"
We can see Monday in there, laughing. "How dare
you!" Positively furious now, we near
the vehicle. Monday rolls down one clean
window, calls out something in an arcane
tongue (like Spanish) and hits the gas. We crane
our necks, but we can't seem to get a clear
look at the plates; plus, do we really care?
posted by Cayvie at 4:42 PM
1 Comments:
tonal shifts in "like Spanish" and the end "plus, do we really care" give your speaker a voice which MAY go along with "what the fuck's your deal" and "is this a race," but makes it seem a lot more juvenile (last line comment is less of a in-the-heat-of-things thing)
but otherwise, i like it, particularly since it is sunday nowadays.
i also don't see how your title adds much. it seems more like you should title it "sunday" or something else that would give the readers are more clear view. "calendar" gives me a good first image, but I don't think it's enough.
miss hanging out already.
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